you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
