it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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