Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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