Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
