Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
