For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
