so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
