I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
