she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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