She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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