508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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