I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
