But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
