We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
