Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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