I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
this boner is exhausting
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
