Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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