my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
