i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
