it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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