So drunk its hurt
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
