Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
