i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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