you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
