i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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