Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
