Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
