UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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