He had one of those small greek statue penises
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
