Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
