matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I still have a little drunk in my system
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
