so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
