I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
