hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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