Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I need a beard to bite.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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