party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
