Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
