I am in a vortex of obligation.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
