Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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