I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
