laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
