puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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