No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
