bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
