You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
