I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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