My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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