My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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