so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I want a musical about memes.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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