My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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