Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
