i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
